Big Bastards: 10 of History's Most Influential Illegitimate Children
Big Bastards: 10 of History’s Most Influential Illegitimate Children

Big Bastards: 10 of History’s Most Influential Illegitimate Children

Khalid Elhassan - February 8, 2018

Big Bastards: 10 of History’s Most Influential Illegitimate Children
A seal impression showing Cambyses II capturing Egyptian Pharaoh Psamtik III. Fact Republic

Ancient History’s Most Influential Turncoat Mercenary

One of history’s earliest influential bastards was Phanes of Halicarnassus (flourished 6th century BC), a Greek mercenary general of great renown, who served Egyptian Pharaoh Amasis II (570 – 524 BC). Phanes turned on his employers, and during a war between Egypt and Persia, he switched sides. Abandoning the Egyptians, Phanes joined the army of king Cambyses II of Persia, and played an instrumental role in helping the Persians defeat the Greek mercenary’s former employers and paymasters.

The conflict between Egypt and the rising Persian Empire supposedly started because of the intrigues of a disgruntled Egyptian physician in the Persian court. The physician was angry at Pharaoh Amasis for selecting him, out of all of Egypt’s physicians, to get dragged away from his family and sent to Persia when Cambyses wrote Amasis asking for an eye doctor. So the physician got his payback by advising the Persian king to ask for Amasis’ favorite daughter. He knew that the request would put Amasis in a bind: accept and grow wretched at the loss of his daughter, or refuse, and offend Cambyses.

Amasis did not want to send his beloved daughter to Persia, particularly because he knew that Cambyses intended her for a mere concubine. However, he was also intimidated by Persia’s power. So he fudged, and sent the daughter of a former Pharaoh, claiming that she was Amasis’ own. That backfired, because soon as she reached Persia, the former princess told Cambyses that Amasis had tried to fob him off with somebody else’s daughter. That greatly upset Cambyses – who was itching for an excuse to conquer Egypt, anyhow – so he declared war and prepared to invade Amasis’ kingdom.

As Amasis gathered his forces and prepared Egypt’s defenses, he managed to offend Phanes, and the disgruntled Greek general switched sides and set out to join the Persians and their king. Amasis sent assassins to kill or capture Phanes before he reached Cambyses, but after harrowing adventures, including an escape from captivity by getting his guards drunk, Phanes managed to reach the Persians.

Cambyses was trying to figure out the best invasion route into Egypt, and Phanes recommended a route through Arab tribal lands. He advised the Persian king to seek safe passage from their rulers, and to sweeten the request with generous gifts. Cambyses heeded Phanes’ advice, and the Arabs gladly granted him and his armies safe conduct through their territory.

By then, Amasis had died, and he was succeeded as pharaoh by his son, Psamtik III. Enraged at Phanes, Psamtik tricked the Greek general’s sons into meeting with him, took them captive, and had them executed. Then, as an object lesson to would-be traitors, he had their blood drained and mixed with wine, which he quaffed down and made his subordinates drink as well.

Phanes got his revenge by leading the Persian army into Egypt, acting as Cambyses’ guide and military advisor. With the Greek general’s assistance, the Persians defeated Psamtik’s forces, and forced him to retreat to his capital, where they besieged and eventually captured him. Phanes then engineered the execution of his sons’ murderer by uncovering and informing Cambyses of a plot by the captive pharaoh to stir up a revolt.

Big Bastards: 10 of History’s Most Influential Illegitimate Children
Blackbeard. ThoughtCo

History’s Most Famous Pirate

Edward Thatch, better known as Blackbeard (circa 1680 – 1718), is probably the best-known pirate of all time. His early life is shrouded in mystery, but he started his seafaring career as a privateer – private citizens issued letters of marque by their sovereigns, authorizing them to prey on enemy shipping. In 1716, he joined the crew of the pirate Benjamin Hornigold, who mentored Blackbeard and taught him the ropes of piracy. Blackbeard showed himself capable, and rose rapidly to become Hornigold’s first mate. Soon, he rose even further and became second in command, entrusted with his own sloop to operate in conjunction with Hornigold’s main ship.

Blackbeard went out of his way to ensure that his appearance was both noticeable and terrifying to his opponents. His greatest defining feature, and the source of the name by which he became famous or infamous, was a thick and long black beard. Blackbeard was in the habit of plaiting his beard into braids, and decorating each braid with colorful ribbons.

His already ferocious appearance was further enhanced by slinging six pistols across his chest, thrusting a variety of knives and daggers into his belt and boots, and carrying a wicked-looking cutlass. To top it off, he attached slow-burning matches to his beard, which sputtered and sent forth clouds of thick smoke, which made him appear even more demonic. It was a psychologically effective display, and many ships surrendered as soon as they caught sight of the ferocious, crazy-looking, and smoke-spewing pirate.

After his mentor Hornigold retired from piracy in 1717, Blackbeard continued his piratical career, now acting independently on his own hook. Soon thereafter, he seized a French ship, which he remodeled and equipped with 40 cannons, renamed her the Queen Anne’s Revenge, and made her his flagship. Blackbeard then formed a pirate alliance and used it to commit his most notorious act: a successful blockade of Charleston, South Carolina. He held the city hostage, wreaking havoc on the seaborne trade and commerce upon which its economy depended until he was paid a ransom.

Blackbeard accepted a royal pardon in 1718, but earning an honest living did not agree with him, so he changed his mind soon thereafter, reneged on the pardon, and went back to piracy. Virginia’s governor then ordered an expedition to hunt him down, led by Lieutenant Robert Maynard of the Royal Navy. Maynard tracked Blackbeard with two sloops, and found him on November 22nd, 1718, at anchor on the inner side of Ocracoke Island, off North Carolina. Most of Blackbeard’s men were ashore at the time, so he found himself severely outnumbered when Lieutenant Maynard’s expedition hove into view. Nonetheless, the notorious pirate refused to surrender and put up a ferocious fight before he finally went down on the deck of his ship, after taking five bullets and over twenty sword cuts.

Read More: Female Pirates Who Were Every Bit as Fearsome as Blackbeard.

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Sources & Further Reading

Annotated Prince – Francisco Sforza: War Lord Prince of Milan

Chernow, Ron – Washington, a Life (2010)

Encyclopedia Britannica – Ptolemy I Soter

Hamilton, Alexander – Federalist Papers

Herodutus – The Histories, Book 3

History – Leonardo da Vinci – Facts and Summary

Lind, Michael – Hamilton’s Legacy

Mental Floss – 13 Things You Might Not Know About Eva Peron

PBS – Lawrence of Arabia

Queen Anne’s Revenge Project – Blackbeard: History of the Dreaded Pirate

Sepulveda, Alfredo – ­Bernardo O’Higgins: The Rebel Son of a Viceroy

Wikipedia – William the Conqueror

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