These Historic Figures Would be the Worst Facebook Friends
These Historic Figures Would be the Worst Facebook Friends

These Historic Figures Would be the Worst Facebook Friends

Alli - November 30, 2021

These Historic Figures Would be the Worst Facebook Friends
Posthumous portrait of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, by Barbara Krafft (c. 1819). Wikimedia Commons.

Mozart Would be all about Music and Poop Jokes

“One or two posts about music and everything else about poop. Dude had a fetish.” No, this is not made up. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (January 1756 – December 1791), an Austrian composer, widely recognized as one of the greatest composers in the history of Western music really loved potty humor. Particularly in his youth, Mozart had a striking fondness for scatological humor (not so unusual in his time), which is preserved in his many surviving letters, notably those written to his cousin Maria Anna Thekla Mozart around 1777-1778, but also in his correspondence with his sister Nannerl and his parents. You know what? Let’s not even try to explain this to you. Let’s just show you the primary source letter we have from Mozart in correspondence with a friend. He really, really loved potty humor.

“Now I must relate to you a sad story that happened just this minute. As I am in the middle of my best writing, I hear a noise in the street. I stop writing—get up, go to the window—and—the noise is gone—I sit down again, start writing once more—I have barely written ten words when I hear the noise again—I rise—but as I rise, I can still hear something but very faint—it smells like something burning—wherever I go it stinks, when I look out the window, the smell goes away, when I turn my head back to the room, the smell comes back—finally My Mama says to me: I bet you let one go?—I don’t think so, Mama. yes, yes, I’m quite certain, I put it to the test, stick my finger in my a**, then put it to my nose, and—there is the proof! Mama was right!” Ew. What a weird but brilliant man.

These Historic Figures Would be the Worst Facebook Friends
George Washington Carver. Wikimedia.

George Washington Carver Would Obsessively Post about Peanuts

“George Washington Carver: All of his statuses would be about some d*mn peanuts.” George Washington Carver (circa 1864 – 1963) was undoubtedly the King of Peanuts. But he was so much more than that and many points of misinformation about this brilliant scientist. Some of George Washington Carver’s best-known inventions include crop rotation, or planting different crops to restore soil instead of single-crop farming, and creating 300 different uses for peanuts (which actually weren’t classified as a crop until Carver’s work). George Washington Carver created more than 300 products from the peanut plant but is often remembered for the one he didn’t invent: peanut butter. The agricultural scientist is often given credit for “discovering” something that was already there. In 1884, Marcellus Gilmore Edson of Canada patented peanut paste.

At a young age, Carver took a keen interest in plants and experimented with natural pesticides, fungicides and soil conditioners. He became known as “the plant doctor” to local farmers due to his ability to discern how to improve the health of their gardens, fields and orchards. Through his work on soil chemistry, Carver learned that years of growing cotton had depleted the nutrients from soil, resulting in low yields. But by growing nitrogen-fixing plants like peanuts, soybeans and sweet potatoes, the soil could be restored, allowing yield to increase dramatically when the land was reverted to cotton use a few years later. All of this success in crop rotation had an unexpected consequence: the overproduction of peanuts. Which caused Carver to look into the possibilities of peanut’s uses. In all, he developed more than 300 food, industrial and commercial products from peanuts, including milk, Worcestershire sauce, punches, cooking oils and salad oil, paper, cosmetics, soaps and wood stains. He also experimented with peanut-based medicines, such as antiseptics, laxatives and goiter medications.

These Historic Figures Would be the Worst Facebook Friends
Joseph Stalin. Wikimedia.

Joseph Stalin

“Stalin, so many paranoid posts and if you didn’t like them quick enough you’d sent to a gulag.” Joseph Stalin (1878-1953) was the dictator of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) from 1929 to 1953. Under Stalin, the Soviet Union was transformed from a peasant society into an industrial and military superpower. However, he ruled by terror, and millions of his own citizens perished during his brutal reign. Of course, his mind must have also been ruled by terror. He was notoriously paranoid. Many have actually speculated as to where his paranoid tendencies came from. And its roots could have been found in untreated mental illness.

Stalin left no room for opposition within his party. Whether a party member was truly a threat or not, Stalin left no room for contemplation. He simply nipped the perceived problem in the bud through swift extermination. “Personality and Foreign Policy: The Case of Stalin,” which appeared in the journal Political Psychology is an excellent source in understanding the theory that Stalin’s terrorizing behavior stemmed from paranoia. The author, Raymond Birt, explains that paranoia often begins during childhood in a situation in which the child feels both dependent on and threatened by the father. Stalin indeed experienced this situation with his drunken and abusive father. Birt claims his behavior while in power is indicative of a paranoid need to protect his narcissistic ego from external threats.

Where do we find this stuff? Here are our Sources:

JSTOR – Representing Queen Marie-Amélie in a “Bourgeois” Monarchy

Wikipedia – Objectivism

BBVA – Descartes and the Rebirth of Geometry

Paul Revere’s House – The Real Story of Paul Revere’s Ride

Luther de – The 95 Theses