23. In 1440, the Bishop of Tréguier banned football, and threatened to excommunicate people caught playing it
Football used to be a far different, vastly more violent, game than modern soccer. Until the 19th century, ‘football’ involved hundreds of players in two teams physically fighting over a pig’s bladder. The game’s only rule said that you won a game by carrying the ball to a predetermined point. Mob violence, widespread destruction, and even death commonly accompanied a game. Kings across Europe banned football on many occasions, but none went so far as the Bishop of Tréguier. In 1440, he banned the ‘dangerous and scandalous’ sport in his diocese. Anyone ignoring the bishop’s law faced excommunication!
22. Trial by combat was widely practiced in the middle ages
Remember that bit in Game of Thrones when Tyrion escaped execution by having Bronn fight on his behalf? Well, it’s a real thing taken from history. From the middle of the 1st millennium in Europe, you could fight to prove your innocence rather than face trial. Depending on what you’d been accused of, you could either fight personally or nominate a deputy, like Tyrion. The logic behind this said God would grant victory to the innocent. Incredibly, you could still demand trial by combat until 1819 in England, and it’s still technically allowed in the US…
21. An old French law banned women from wearing trousers unless riding a bike or holding the reigns of a horse until 2013
In 1800, France passed a law against women ‘dress[ing] like a man’. This peculiar law was intended to prevent women taking men’s jobs. If women could wear trousers rather than massive, flowing frocks, they could take better paid and more interesting jobs! France modified the law in 1892 and 1900 to reflect changing times. These amendments allowed women to wear trousers when ‘holding a bicycle handlebar or the reins of a horse’. These changes preserved women’s modesty. Otherwise, women had to get express permission to ‘dress like a man’. In 2013, after decades of being rightly ignored, France formally repealed it.
20. In Milan, it’s been illegal not to smile since the 19th century
A strange and obscure city ordinance from Milan demands everyone in the city smiles. Grumpy looks are punishable by fines, but if you’re at a funeral or visiting a hospital you’re exempt. Why you have to smile is hotly debated. The law dates to the Austrian rule of the city, so perhaps it meant to force people to accept foreign governance. That said, dissidents would presumably be harder to spot. Another theory suggests the Austrians thought a happy-looking city would encourage others to visit, settle in, or trade with Milan. Whatever the law’s origin, though, it’s never enforced today.
19. Swiss law made it illegal for homes not to have access to nuclear bunkers in 1963
During the Cold War, people around the world lived in utter terror of nuclear weapons. After seeing the devastating effect on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, people worried US-Soviet relations would cause all-out nuclear warfare. Most nations resorted to making public information leaflets to teach people how to survive an attack. Switzerland went one further. In 1963, the Swiss government passed the first measures to make sure every inhabitant had access to a nuclear shelter. These laws are still enshrined in Articles 45 and 46 of the Swiss Federal Law on Civil Protection. Most buildings erected since 1963 have their own bunkers.
18. In 1336, Edward III of England passed a law to stop people getting fat
Obesity isn’t just a modern phenomenon. In 1336, Edward III of England got so sick of his chubby soldiers he passed laws to make them diet. In the law’s words, obesity made people ‘not able to aid themselves nor their liege Lord in time of need’. The law banned people eating more than 2 courses at mealtimes. It also defined soup as a separate course to prevent people calling it a sauce or condiment. Edward also saw overeating as a wider social evil which made people poorer and more sinful. 3 courses could be enjoyed on Feast Days, however.
17. Trial by ordeal was pretty common in the medieval period and beyond
Like trial by combat, trial by ordeal relied upon God helping innocent people, and developed c.500 AD. The accused would have to undertake a painful task to prove their innocence. This could be walking a certain distance through open fire or holding a red-hot piece of metal for a while. Charlemagne, the famous king of the Franks, had the accused and accuser hold up a side of a cross each. The first to lower their side lost. You’d have a much better chance if given bread blessed by a priest. So long as you didn’t choke, you were innocent.
16. In Western Australia, it’s still illegal to possess more than 50kg of potatoes
Watch out, potato-lovers of Western Australia. Since 1946, it’s been illegal to own possess more than 50kg of spuds. Like many absurd other laws on this list, the potato stricture does have a reasonable origin. In 1946, Australia was recovering from the ravages of World War II. With food scarce, many sought to profit from selling commodities at inflated prices on the black market. Preventing the stockpiling of potatoes, an important food, the Western Australian government hoped to ameliorate the supply crisis. These days, the law preserves the farmers’ monopoly and ensures prices are in their favour.
15. If you committed slander under Norman Law, you had to pay damages and stand in a marketplace holding your nose telling everyone you were a liar
During the Norman period of English History (1066-1154), kings were hot on name-calling and slander. The first Norman king, after all, spent his whole life being called ‘William the Bastard’ because his parents weren’t married. Under their law, someone found guilty of slander had to pay a huge fine to the victim. Then they had to stand in a marketplace – the center of a medieval town – and hold their nose. In this ridiculous pose, the convicted would inform all passers-by of their crime. Public humiliation has long been an effective means of preventing crime.
14. An existing Act of 1405 means any English place without stocks is a hamlet
On the subject of public humiliation, the stocks are a quirky part of English History. First mentioned in 1227, stocks are wooden devices to restrain people in one place. Persistent naggers, liars, drunkards, and petty thieves found themselves locked in stocks, where locals pelted them with rotten fruit or dung. Medieval English law demanded that all parishes running their own affairs possessed their own stocks. An Act of 1405 states that any village without stocks is, in fact, a mere hamlet, with fewer rights. Since this law has never been repealed, there are some very large hamlets in England!
13. The City of London banned long beards during Henry VIII’s reign
In the 16th century, the Alderman of the City of London passed a law against ‘persons with great beards’. It’s unclear why, but the rest of the Ordinance also warns people to be suspicious of those wearing ‘outrageous breeches’. Presumably, the City of London experienced problems with bearded hooligans in silly trousers during Henry VIII’s reign. It’s no longer enforceable, which is a relief to London’s many hipsters passing through the Square Mile. Unconfirmed legends persist that Henry himself passed a tax on beards during his reign.
12. Laws in Ancient Rome were meant to stop people wasting money on frivolous clothes and banquets
Back in the days when Rome had kings, the government sought to protect the Roman people from frivolity and excess. They placed limits on how much someone could spend on banquets and items of clothing. However, such laws also became a means of social control. Simultaneously, these strictures (known as sumptuary laws) made certain restrictions based on a person’s social status. Togas, for instance, could only be worn by Roman citizens, and purple by royalty. Other clothes and bits of jewelry could only be worn by high-status citizens. You could learn a lot about someone in Ancient Rome from their appearance.
11. Massachusetts banned people from wearing fancy clothes in the 17th century
Sumptuary laws like the Roman ones we’ve just learned about have been passed throughout history. They even reached the New World with the Pilgrim Fathers. But where elsewhere rules about dress tried to maintain the rigid social hierarchy, the Puritans had moral motivations. The Puritans preferred modest and practical clothing and raged against the vanity of ‘new and immodest fashions’ from Europe. In 1634, the Plymouth General Court banned lace and silver and gold thread altogether. These laws didn’t last long, however, as the first European settlers got seriously rich, and wanted to look good.
10. Prostitutes in Venice had to wear yellow in the 1420s
As an important trading port, medieval Venice provided a home for many prostitutes. Men who’d been at sea for months came to shore hoping to have a good time before their next voyage. In 1360, the Venetian government tried to control prostitution by confining brothels to the Castelletto area near the Rialto market. Still, the trade grew, and the government wanted to capitalize on increased tax revenue. Thus in the 1420s, in order to accommodate more red-light districts, they established further areas, but forced all prostitutes to wear the color yellow to avoid confusion.
9. In the early 15th century, the city of Chester banned Welshmen from being there at night ‘under pain of decapitation’
Between 1400 and 1415, Wales got sick of being bullied and exploited by its noisy neighbour, England, and rebelled. Led by Owain Glyndŵr, the Welsh were ultimately unsuccessful after a series of bloody battles for independence. In 1403 the Earl of Chester was so worried he passed a notorious anti-Welsh law. He banished all Welsh sympathizers from Chester, a city near the Welsh border. Worse still, he banned all Welshmen from Chester between sundown and sunrise ‘on pain of decapitation’. There is no evidence the city ever repealed the law. The Earl, by the way, later became King Henry V.
8. It used to be illegal to blow your nose on the street in Newmarket
Newmarket, in Suffolk, UK, is the birthplace of horse racing. The sport dates back to the 12th century in Newmarket, but James I popularised it after building a palace there in 1606. From this time, the sport increased in popularity and became a big business. So big, in fact, the town passed laws to protect the horses. It used to be illegal to blow your nose in the street, lest the valuable racing horses caught your sickness. Further, anyone walking around ‘with a head cold or distemper’ had to pay a hefty fine. Both laws have now been repealed.
7. The Window Tax of 1696 gave us the expression ‘daylight robbery’
In 1696, Parliament first passed the notorious Window Tax. This ingenious scheme charged people tax based on the number of windows on their house. The more windows, the bigger the house, and the wealthier the owner: fair enough? Well, the English did not respond at all positively. The king, William of Orange, was taxing light, for goodness’ sake! In response, many people simply bricked up their windows to avoid paying the tax. Parliament scrapped Window Tax in 1851. The expression, ‘daylight robbery‘, comes from the Window Tax. Rather than robbery in broad daylight, it means the literal theft of daylight.
6. The Witchcraft Act of 1736 made it okay to be a witch, but illegal to pretend to be one
Witchcraft used to be illegal around the world. In England, witchcraft became a criminal (rather than ecclesiastical) offense after the Witchcraft Act of 1604. But when the furore over witches died down, a new age of enlightenment took over. Thus, the 1736 Witchcraft Act took a different stance. This repealed the preceding legislation that punished witchcraft with death. However, it had an interesting caveat. The Act made it illegal for anyone to ‘pretend to exercise or use any kind of witchcraft. In other words, being a witch was fine, but pretending to be one got you a year in prison!
5. A 1542 law passed in Scotland made it possible to punish a corpse for treason
With all the topsy-turvy events and power changes in 16th century Scotland, someone was always out for revenge or restitution. It’s no surprise, therefore, that post-mortem punishment for treason got introduced in 1542. During the reigns of Mary, Queen of Scots, and her son James VI, corpses regularly appeared in court. Officials exhumed corpses and often embalmed them for the occasion. The only prohibition stated that prosecution had to take place within 5 years of the traitor’s death. A corpse on trial is one thing, but a skeleton charged with treason is just plain silly.
4. In 1233, it became illegal to refuse a knighthood in England
You’d think getting a knighthood would be a great honor, but you’d be surprised. Back in the medieval period, being made a knight cost loads of money. You had to buy loads of silly clothes and ceremonial suits of armor and give liberal amounts to the king. Oh, and risk your life in battle. In 1233, tight-fisted Roger of Dudley refused to attend his own knighting ceremony after realising how much it’d cost. Alas for Roger, the last laugh came at his expense, quite literally. Henry III immediately passed a law against refusing knighthoods, and confiscated the ungrateful swine’s lands.
3. George I passed a law making it illegal for a commoner’s pet to fornicate with a royal animal
During George I’s reign (1714-27), power shifted from monarch to parliament, with Britain’s first de facto Prime Minister, Robert Walpole. This didn’t stop George passing some silly laws, however. Most famously, he didn’t want common animals getting too familiar with his own. ‘The severest penalties will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal house’, roared the legislation. The ‘severest penaltys’, by the way, potentially meant execution. It’s still illegal to let your pets copulate with royal animals, though the UK scrapped the death penalty long ago.
2. Batman wouldn’t have lasted long in 17th century England
During Charles II’s reign, a group of vigilantes found themselves on the wrong side of the law. All apprentice boys, they tried to destroy a brothel in 1663. Unfortunately, they wound up standing trial for high treason, since ‘for men to go about to pull down brothels, with a captain and an ensign… who is safe?’ The Chief Justice convicted them. A few decades later, yet more crusaders against sin tried to burn down a brothel, and got convicted of treason. The judge acknowledged brothels ‘a nuisance’, but said destroying them took ‘the right out of the queen’s hand’.
1. In the middle ages, animals could be tried in courts for criminal offenses
Our final item may well be the stupidest of our weird laws. Across Europe in the middle ages, people sometimes tried animals in court. Small animals, such as mice and insects, got ecclesiastical trials for destroying grain or damaging churches. Such small-fry usually got excommunicated. Larger creatures like pigs and horses faced secular prosecution for injury or murder and usually got a death sentence. One man in France, whose pig killed a young child, got convicted of negligence, but the animal was hanged for murder. Though we treat animals better these days, we thankfully don’t treat them this much like humans!
Where did we find this stuff? Here are our sources: