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Rubbing It In: History’s Greatest Flexes and Ownages

Khalid Elhassan June 3, 2025 17 min

15. Extreme Humiliation and Ownage

Ownage - The humiliation of Emperor Valerian by Shapur I, by Hans Holbein the Younger, circa 1521 — The humiliation of Emperor Valerian by Shapur I, by Hans Holbein the Younger, circa 1521. Kuntsmuseum, Basel

Valerian’s army had some initial successes, but was then struck by disease and experienced logistical failures near the city of Edessa in modern-day Turkey. In the resultant Battle of Edessa, the Romans were decisively defeated, and Valerian was taken prisoner – the first and only time a Roman emperor was captured alive by a foreign enemy.

Roman and Persian sources differ on what happened to Valerian after he was captured. Roman accounts portray his captivity as one of extreme humiliation. According to them, Shapur used Valerian as a human footstool to mount his horse, and subjected him to various indignities. After years in captivity, Valerian was reportedly executed, possibly flayed alive or stuffed after death, and displayed in a Persian temple as a warning to Rome.

Written by

Khalid Elhassan

A lifelong history buff, I developed a particular passion for WW2 history as a child, when I spent hours listening to my grandfather, enraptured, as he recounted his wartime experiences in the British East African Campaign and with the British 8th Army in North Africa.

I graduated with a history BA from George Mason University, then went on to get a JD from the University of Virginia School of Law. After lawyering for a decade, I moved to sunny Rio de Janeiro and a less demanding career, opening a tourism agency in Copacabana.

A big chunk of my free time is spent blogging (you can follow me on Quora https://www.quora.com/profile/Khalid-Elhassan ) or freelance writing, mostly about my favorite subject, history.