13. This Randy Old Goat’s Habit of Getting it On Whenever and Wherever He Could Eventually Ended Him
Henry John Templeton (1784 – 1865), 3rd Viscount Palmerston and better known as Lord Palmerston, dominated British foreign policy from 1830 to 1865, when Britain was at the height of its power. He served as Secretary at War from 1809 to 1828, as Foreign Secretary from 1830 to 1841 and again from 1846 to 1851, and twice as Prime Minister, from 1855 to 1858, and again from 1859 to 1865. In his private life, he was a randy old goat who was in the habit of getting it on whenever and wherever he could.
Lord Palmerston is the only British Prime Minister to have ever passed in office, and oh what an ending it was. On October 18th, 1865, the eighty-year-old Prime Minister, who enjoyed robust health well past his biblical three score and ten, reportedly was getting it on with a maid on a billiard table. He seems to have overexerted himself, which led to his demise in the midst of his illicit romance, just two days shy of his eighty-first birthday.
Egyptian King Farouk I (1920 – 1965) reigned from 1936 until he was thrown off his throne by a coup in 1952. His years as Egypt’s last king were marked by widespread corruption, incompetent governance, and bizarre conduct. A kleptomaniac, Farouk could not resist stealing things, and was in the habit of picking people’s pockets. He also was an avid collector of adult entertainment. He was popular early in his reign when he ascended the throne as a slim and handsome young man.
The goodwill was quickly squandered by his incompetent governance, and his good looks were soon ruined by a gluttony that saw him balloon to 300 pounds. He soon became an object of derision, widely lampooned as a “stomach with a head”. His lavish lifestyle while his subjects endured the hardships of WWII further eroded his popularity. Farouk took pickpocketing lessons, and as seen below, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, whom he hosted at a dinner during WWII, was one of his victims.
11. This King’s Pickpocketing Habit Was Eclipsed by His Adult Entertainment Habit
During a state dinner hosted by King Farouk, Winston Churchill discovered that his pocket watch – a prized family heirloom – had gone missing. After an outcry and search, the Egyptian king, who had been seated next to Churchill, sheepishly turned it in, claiming to have “found” it. It was just one example of Farouk’s bizarre behavior. Early in WWII, he had repeated nightmares in which he was chased by a ravenous lion. Frazzled from loss of sleep, he consulted the rector of Cario’s ancient Al Azhar University, who advised him “you will not rest until you have shot a lion“. So Farouk went to the zoo and shot two lions in their cages.
By 1952, Farouk’s corruption and maladministration had completely eroded his standing, and he was overthrown in a coup. Hastily fleeing Egypt, he left most of his possessions behind. The new government auctioned his belongings, and in the process discovered his stash of adult entertainment. This was in the days when it all was hardcopy. Farouk had entire rooms filled with the stuff, and it soon became clear that the Egyptian king had a serious adult magazine habit. So serious that he had amassed the world’s biggest adult entertainment collection. He settled first in Monaco, then in Rome, where he literally ate himself away, collapsing at a restaurant dinner table after a heavy meal in 1965.
Mao Zedong (1893 – 1976) was China’s main Marxist theorist, and a guerrilla fighter, soldier, and statesman, who presided over his country’s communist revolution. He led the Chinese Communist Party from 1935 until his passing, and after the communists won control in 1949, he ruled China from that date until his demise. During his time in power, Mao was responsible for the eradication of tens of millions of Chinese. They were ended outright by his followers or starved because of Mao’s disastrous economic policies.
However, there was more to Chairman Mao than just a revolutionary man of action. He had a particular fondness for classical Chinese poetry and literature. In addition to being a horrible person who should’ve never existed, Mao was also a prolific writer and poet. Surprisingly, for a man so politically radical and revolutionary, he was in the habit of writing and penning verses in classical Chinese forms. It would be akin to a modern American anarchist who liked writing in the manner of Chaucer.
As with most Chinese intellectuals of his era, Mao Zedong’s education was based on a foundation of classical Chinese literature. However, while most of his contemporaries moved on to modern styles and themes, Mao stuck with the old when it came to literature and poetry. From his youth, he got into the habit of composing poetry in the classical style, and he kept at it for the rest of his life. Indeed, Mao’s image as a poet was a significant part of his public persona as he rose to power in China.
Mao was actually considered a good poet. Not just by critics in China, who knew better than to pan his poetry, but also by literary critics outside China and beyond Mao’s clutches. Although a radical revolutionary in many aspects, Mao was artistically conservative, and stuck with traditional Chinese literary and poetic forms. His poetry tended to be on romantic end of things, rather than the more modern realist genre. It was reminiscent of Tang Dynasty style, from the seventh to ninth centuries.
Alone I stand in the autumn cold On the tip of Orange Island, The Xiang flowing northward; I see a thousand hills crimsoned through By their serried woods deep-dyed, And a hundred barges vying Over crystal blue waters. Eagles cleave the air, Fish glide under the shallow water; Under freezing skies a million creatures contend in freedom. Brooding over this immensity, I ask, on this bondless land Who rules over man’s destiny? I was here with a throng of companions, Vivid yet those crowded months and years. Young we were, schoolmates, At life’s full flowering; Filled with student enthusiasm Boldly we cast all restraints aside. Pointing to our mountains and rivers, Setting people afire with our words, We counted the mighty no more than muck. Remember still How, venturing midstream, we struck the waters And the waves stayed the speeding boats?
Ottoman Sultan Ibrahim I (1615 – 1648), or Ibrahim the Mad, reigned from 1640 to 1648. When his older brother Murad IV became sultan, he had the then-eight-year-old Ibrahim sent to the Kafes, or “Cage” – a secluded part of the Harem where male royal relatives were confined. There, they were kept under house arrest, under surveillance, and isolated from the outside world to prevent intrigues and plots. While Ibrahim was in the Cage, Murad executed his other brothers, one by one, until Ibrahim was the last one left, constantly terrified that he might be next. He remained in confinement until his brother’s passing without issue in 1640. When he was taken out of the Cage and told that he would be crowned sultan, Ibrahim refused at first.
He rushed back to the Cage to barricade himself inside, suspecting it was a trick to entrap him into saying or doing something that his fratricidal brother would take as treasonous. Finally, his brother’s corpse was brought to the door for him to examine. Even then, it still took the pleas of his mother, “who had to coax him out like a kitten with food“, for Ibrahim to come out and accept the throne. However, the years of isolation, and the ever-present fear of execution, had unhinged Ibrahim. His condition was worsened by depression over the passing of his brother, whom he loved in a Stockholm Syndrome type of way.
The new Sultan’s habit feeding of fish in the palace pool with coins instead of food was an early worrying sign. As it became clear that Ibrahim was crazy, his mother ruled for him. To keep him busy, the sultan was encouraged to spend as much time as possible in the Harem with his nearly 300 concubines. It was intended to keep him out of his mother’s hair and out of trouble, and to father male heirs since, by then, he was the last surviving male Ottoman. For years, Ibrahim took to the Harem with relish, fathering three future sultans and a number of daughters. As a contemporary put it “In the palace gardens he frequently assembled all the virgins, made them strip themselves naked, and neighing like a stallion ran amongst them and as it were ravished one or the other”.
The insanity never went away, however: one day he woke up, and out of the blue, ordered his entire Harem tied in weighted sacks and drowned in the sea. Ibrahim also had a thing for fat women. One time he got turned on by a cow’s vagina, so he commissioned gold copies and sent them around the empire, to find a woman with a similar-looking vagina. Searchers eventually found a 350-pound woman with matching parts, who became one of his favorite concubines. He also had a fetish for fur and decorated his clothes, curtains, walls, and furniture with it. He stuffed his pillows with the stuff and liked to have intimacy on sable furs.
When Sultan Ibrahim saw the beautiful daughter of the Grand Mufti, the empire’s highest religious authority, he asked for her hand in marriage. Aware of Ibrahim’s depravities, the Mufti urged his daughter to decline. When she did, Ibrahim ordered her kidnapped and carried to his palace. There, he ravished her for days, before sending her back to her father. Eventually, he exiled his mother and assumed personal control of the government. The results were disastrous: after ordering the execution of his most capable ministers, Ibrahim spent like only a madman can.
Eventually, he emptied the treasury, even as he got himself into a series of wars and managed them poorly. By 1647, between heavy taxes, the bungled wars, and with a Venetian blockade bringing the Ottoman capital to the brink of starvation, discontent boiled over. In 1648, the population revolted, urged on by religious scholars, and was joined by the army. An angry mob seized Ibrahim’s Grand Vizier and tore him to pieces, and the sultan was deposed in favor of his six-year-old son. A fatwa was then issued for Ibrahim’s execution, which was carried out by strangulation.
5. A Lecherous Religious Charlatan Who Got His Congregation into the Habit of Prolonged Love groups
Grigori Yefimovich Rasputin (1869 – 1916) was a charlatan, mystic, holy wanderer, faith healer, blasphemer, and a notorious lecher who became one of Russia’s most powerful figures. An inexplicable ability to ease the pain of the child Alexei Nikolayevich, the hemophiliac heir to the Russian throne, earned him the gratitude of his parents, Russia’s Tsar Nicholas and Tsarina Alexandra. That made Rasputin an influential figure in the Russian Empire’s final years. It was an unexpected rise. As a teenager, Rasputin was notorious for his relentless pursuit of women, from women of the night to respectable matrons. He had a magnetism that enabled him to rack up carnal conquests with ease.
Rasputin invented and led a religious cult that combined Orthodox Christianity with physical pleasure, plus bizarre rituals deemed heretical and blasphemous. A core belief of Rasputin’s cult was that nearness to God is achieved by a state described as “holy passionlessness”, which is best achieved via exhaustion. Such exhaustion was to be attained by a lot of intimacy – a religious doctrine he described as “driving out sin with sin“. So he led his cult into reaching carnal exhaustion via love groups. He and his followers got into the habit of indulging in prolonged bouts of debauchery by the entire congregation, in order to get base passions out of their system.
Rasputin eventually made it to the Russian capital, Saint Petersburg, where he won the favor of Russia’s Tsar and Tsarina. There, he exerted his animal magnetism upon the capital’s women, and before long, he had a cult following, from lowly streetwalkers to wealthy aristocratic women. Soon, young women and old, maidens and matrons, were throwing themselves at Rasputin. They flocked to his apartment, and he was indiscriminate in his preferences, bedding working women and princesses alike. Many in high society, aware that Rasputin had the ear of Russia’s rulers, sought his favor. Some even sent their wives or daughters to seduce him into putting in a good word for them at court, or their female relatives did so on their own initiative.
Many other women visited Rasputin simply for intimacy. Lots and lots of intimacy. Rasputin was, by all accounts, a carnal addict, with enviable stamina and staying power. His habit of getting it on with all women who crossed his path astonished contemporaries. Saint Petersburg’s authorities posted plainclothes policemen at his building, and their reports described dozens of women, from working women to high-ranking aristocrats, visiting his apartment. The police reports went on to describe loud noises of drunken revelry, parties with working women, beatings, violent intimacy, and orgies that lasted until sunrise and beyond.
3. Overlooking This Holy Man’s Unholy Deeds Helped Set the Stage for Revolution
Reports of Rasputin’s unruly and unholy conduct – including the forced go at a nun – reached Tsar Nicholas’ ears. However, Russia’s ruler either dismissed them out of hand or laughed them off with comments such as “the holy are always slandered“. The Tsar’s confessor investigated the reports of Rasputin’s misconduct, concluded there was truth in them, and advised Nicholas to distance himself from the controversial monk. The Tsar, at the behest of his wife who was fiercely protective of the holy charlatan, sided with the Rasputin.
It was the Tsar’s confessor who ended up banished from Saint Petersburg. By 1911, Rasputin’s notorious misconduct had become a national scandal and turned the imperial family into a laughingstock. Eventually, word began to make the rounds that the unholy holy man had seduced the Tsar’s wife, Tsarina Alexandra. Whether or not that was true – and Rasputin boasted of having done so – it damaged the imperial family’s prestige. It set the stage for its overthrow in the 1917 Russian Revolution.
2. Johnny Carson Was in the Habit of Abusing All and Sundry
John William Carson (1925 – 2005), better known as Johnny Carson, hosted The Tonight Show on NBC for three decades from 1962 to 1992. In that stretch, he set the standard format and template that has been followed by TV chat shows ever since, including the guest couch and studio band. Carson was inducted into the Television Academy Hall of Fame, won a Peabody Award, and six Emmys. He was also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom – America’s highest civilian award – and received a Kennedy Center Honor.
Carson worked hard to cement his perception as the funny and neighborly Midwesterner, and perfected his friendly on-air persona. As a result, Americans welcomed Carson with open arms into their living rooms as the country’s favorite late-night host. However, when he was not in front of an audience, The King of Late Night Television, as Carson came to be known, was a bitter, bullying, and mean SOB. He was in the habit of abusing just about everybody and was so awful that many famous figures boycotted his show. However, they did so quietly, out of fear that he might damage their careers. Wayne Newton, as seen below, was an exception.
While on the air, Johnny Carson was sunshine and sweetness, and the embodiment of the friendly guy you’d like to have as a neighbor. Away from the cameras, however, Carson was a total jerk who bullied and abused others and even physically assaulted people in fits of rage. Examples of Carson being a jackass include an attempt to strangle NBC colleague Tom Snyder, his refusal to visit his son who was institutionalized in a mental asylum, and his verbal and physical abuse of his wives.
Many celebrities abused by Carson stayed quiet to protect their careers from the notoriously vindictive icon. An exception was singer and actor Wayne Newton, who resented Carson’s cracking gay jokes about him on national TV. Newton thought that he and Carson were buddies, and begged him to cut it out. Carson persisted, however. So an incensed Newton barged into Carson’s office, and slapped him around silly. It wasn’t live at the Oscars, but it got Carson’s attention. It was one of the few times that the star TV host got his comeuppance. The gay jokes stopped.
Where Did We Find This Stuff? Some Sources and Further Reading