9. Royals Hired Servants to Take Care of Their Excrement
Earlier on this list, we mentioned how disgusting it was for anyone to go to the bathroom. The royals had the privilege of hiring chambermaids, or a “groom of the stool.” Whenever the king or queen had to go to the bathroom, they would do it on plush velvet box called the “close stool”. Once they were done, their servant would come in and dispose of the waste. Even though this was a disgusting job, this was actually a highly coveted servant’s position, because it meant that they were in close proximity to the king. They would often become good friends with their Groom of the Stool, because they needed someone to talk to. In a lot of ways, the position was almost like a therapist, listening to the king during his morning poop. These men were even given the title of “sir”, and had a portrait painted of them.
8. There Was a Guide For Medieval Health and Hygiene
During the 12th Century, the Salerno Medical School published a guide for healthy living. They gathered advice from classical tests like Hippocrates, Galen, and Arabic texts. In this guide, they instructed people to do as follows: “In the morning upon rising, wash your hands and face with cold water; move around awhile and stretch your limbs; comb your hair and brush your teeth.” This is very similar to what people do today. It also encouraged people to exercise and eat healthy. However, they said that if you tried to take a bath during certain times of the year, or stay in the bath too long, you’d become feeble.
Anyone who’s a fan of medieval castles probably loves the idea of having a moat. This body of water surrounding the castle was an extra step of protection to fend off invaders. However, this was actually disgusting water that was filled with the excrement from the people living inside the castle. The plumbing pipes, called the garderobes, emptied from an opening at the bottom of the castle, and dumped out to the moat. In the TV show Escape to the Chateau, a couple purchases a castle in France. They were trying to modernize the plumbing system so that their waste no longer dumped into the moat. The process was extensive, and expensive. However, it wasn’t as smelly as you would imagine, mostly because they had fish living in their moat that most likely eat whatever came down the tubes.
Most people know that Queen Elizabeth I caked on thick makeup to the extent that it looked almost clown-like, in order to hide her smallpox scars. Priests would tell women not to wear makeup, because vanity was a sin. However, if a woman was sick and dying, wearing rouge to mask her illness was acceptable. Pale skin was seen as being the most attractive, because getting a tan made you look as though you were working in the fields. Upper class women were known for making foundation out of lily root powder to lighten their skin. Lip balm was popular, and it was made out of grease with wine. This was like a modern-day lip tint or stain. Compared to today’s makeup, this never made a dramatic difference in their appearance except to make them look healthier and vibrant.
Earlier on this list, we mentioned how urine was used to do laundry. Unfortunately, many physicians in the Middle Ages also recommended urine as an antiseptic. During the reign of King Henry VIII, the royal physician Thomas Vicary recommended that all the men in the kingdom have their battle wounds washed with urine. Other doctors recommended it as a treatment for the bubonic plague. Even in modern times, you may have heard of peeing on someone’s leg or foot if they have been stung by a jellyfish. Upon further research, this is medically false, and only adds insult to injury.
4. Women Dyed Their Hair For Fashion, And to Hide the Grey
Even back in the middle ages, women dyed their hair to hide the grey. Some women also experienced hair loss, and they were treated with a variety of tonics. When a woman needed to color her hair brown, she could make dye out of fruit, the bark of a tree, and leaves. However, blonde or yellow hair was considered to be more popular. Women kept a mixture of honey and white on their head overnight. Then, they added a mixture of calendine roots, olive-madder, oil of cumin seed, box shavings and saffron. Another 24 hours later, she was able to wash her hair, and it came out lighter. Just like today, blonde was one of the most popular hair colors. It would be fascinating to know just how well this medieval recipe did at coloring hair.
Just like today, beauty standards pressured women to remove all of their body hair. Women would puck with tweezers, but they also used dried cat waste to scrub off hair from the skin. A book from the 11th Century called De Ornatu Mulierum says as follows; “In order permanently to remove hair. Take ants’ eggs, red orpiment, and gum of ivy, mix with vinegar, and rub the areas.” Priests from the Church were enraged by the vanity of all of this, saying that hair removal meant to entice men was a sin. However, most paintings from the time showed naked women without any body hair at all, even in her private areas. Just like today, this must have only been available to certain women, because stories from the time like Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, describe women’s pubic hair.
Throughout time and culture, the idea of the “perfect” woman’s body has changed dramatically. During the middle ages, the ideal woman had big hips, small perky breasts, and a large forehead. Since big foreheads were all the rage, women would actually pluck their foreheads in order to get a higher hairline. Sometimes, women would even remove their eyebrows to make their forehead look bigger. The goal was to make their face look perfectly oval shaped. As a woman with a high hairline myself, it’s nice to know that my natural features would have made me an ideal beauty back in medieval times. But in modern times, I wish I could hide it behind bangs.
The ideal woman in the middle ages had pale, smooth skin without any pock marks or blemishes. As we mentioned earlier in the list, nearly everyone washed their face with cold water at the end of the day. Some women used ointments made with animal fat in order to keep the skin soft and smooth. Even back then, people believed in the power of crystals and gemstones to heal. Women would lick amethyst and rub it over their pimples to make them go away.
Where do we find this stuff? Here are our sources: