These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend

Alli - October 13, 2021

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
Secret trysts were common, but had consequences. History of Yesterday.

You Could Have Intimacy Before Marriage

The sagas never mention any intimacy, but it was fairly common for young unmarried couples to have secret meetings. Especially those forbidden to marry. The sagas make constant reference to “the illicit love visit.” Even though the sagas do not mention more physical affection happening, it is highly unlikely the young man would risk a secret tryst simply to ‘talk’ to the object of his affections. The lovers, however, were said to ‘enjoy’ each other. A document detailing a wife’s dissatisfaction with her impotent husband because she couldn’t ‘enjoy‘ him suggests this is a term linked to conjugal intimacy. While this was not illegal, the ideal for women was virginity and purity. Once again, the texts always seem to point towards it reflecting the honor of the family – specifically fathers, brothers, uncles… the male family.

This intimacy would become especially tricky if an illegitimate child became involved. This restriction was not for moral reasons. Illegitimate sons could become their father’s heirs- if he recognized them. Rather, society censured Illegitimacy because of the burden it placed on the maternal family, not because it was deemed wrong or shameful. So this burden of an illegitimate child would fall on the shoulders of the mother’s family. And the father and his family (if marriage was not considered) was only responsible for two-thirds of the financial support provided. In typical patriarchal tradition, women suffered worse repercussions from these secret trysts than the men did. If a man was promiscuous prior to marriage, it did not matter as long as he planned on getting married in the end. If he did not marry, however, he would be considered a social outcast.

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
Viking Wedding. Wikimedia.

How to Achieve ‘The Mighty Passion’

The Norse focused on ‘inn matki munr’ (‘the mighty passion’). These were intricate and involved specific rituals. Before the marriage, however, meeting and talking was one way to try to make a connection. Despite the hazards, such as a child out of wedlock or blood vengeance, some courtships did occur. Attentions paid to a woman by her suitor, including visits, conversations, and the making of poems in her praise were expected, and apparently welcomed by the girl, no matter what her family may have thought. The most important, unwritten rule of courtship was that the less a potential groom saw of his intended bride before entering into formal marriage negotiations with her family, the better his chances were of staying alive.

But after marriage, love can be expected and encouraged in a match. The sagas give us romantic passages that inspire even the most cynical of romantics. InRigsþula (v. 27), a Father and Mother sit gazing into one another’s eyes, their fingers intertwined. They are obviously happily in love (Hollander,Poetic Edda, p. 120). Sometimes a declaration of love in the sagas will be very short and indirect, as when Bergþóra refuses the amnesty of those attacking her home, preferring to perish with her husband: “I was given to Njal in marriage when I was young, and I have promised him that we would share the same fate”. Men, perhaps, were more free to express their love than women.

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
Wedding Feast. Educating.

What Happened at a Viking Wedding

Traditionally, Vikings held their weddings on Fridays. Also known as Frigga’s day, a day sacred to Frigg, the goddess of marriage, love, and fertility. As is common today, the bride and groom exchanged rings- both finger rings and arm rings as they spoke their vows. Once the ceremony was complete, the “brud hlaup” occurred. This was a race run by both wedding parties to the feasting hall. Whoever arrived last served the ale. But before the bride could enter, she had to be escorted over the threshold by the groom. The Norse, like many pagan peoples, believed thresholds were dangerous places for in transition to a new stage in their life.

The groom would then thrust a new sword, a gift from his bride, into the central pillar of the house. The depth of the resulting cut was used to determine the success of their union. Then, after the feast, eight witnesses lighted the bridal couple to bed. The groom then removed the bridal wreath from the bride- a ritual deflowering before the real event. One beverage was of particular importance. The ‘bridal ale’ was first consumed in a loving cup by the bride and groom at the marriage feast. The couple would use the mead-like brew to seal their union with a toast to Odin and Freya. The bridal ale was brewed with a good deal of honey, to ensure the fertility of the newlyweds. Their families gifted the couple with enough of this sweet beer to last them a month- a custom that gives us the modern term ‘honeymoon.’

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
A scene of Viking Life. Wikimedia.

So you’re a married Viking – Now what?

Even if they were not in love before the wedding, the couple would try and cultivate it afterward. Husbands would seat their wives next to them if they wanted to show affection. Couples could also express their closeness by sharing the same drinking horn. If a husband were feeling very affectionate, he would ‘put her on his lap’ where he and his wife could indulge in “kyssir hana’ – a kiss and a cuddle. Or he would put his head on her lap, and she would stroke his hair. Men did the hunting, fighting, trading and farming, while women’s lives centered around cooking, caring for the home and raising children. Viking burials reflected these roles in society; men were typically buried with weapons, while women were buried with domestic tools.

Women tended to marry between the ages of 12 and 15. True to these times, women typically played a subservient role in the marriage. Though the man was the “ruler” of the house, the woman played an active role in managing her husband, as well as the household. Norse women had full authority in the domestic sphere, especially when their husbands were absent. If something happened to the man of the household, his wife would adopt his role on a permanent basis, singlehandedly running the family farm or trading business. Many women in Viking Age Scandinavia were buried with rings of keys, which symbolized their roles and power as household managers. Some women even were allowed to own property and there are some records of female Viking warriors in 971 AD.

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
Viking bed. Google Images

Vikings… “Crowd together in Bed” *wink*

While Vikings were considered to be a direct peoples, they were rather shy about talking about… the deed. Ya know, the conjugal relations? The sagas had various ways to refer to this intimate act. A man about to have relations with a woman was said to ‘turn towards’ her, “laying his hand/arm/thigh ” on her. The rest was up to the audience’s imagination. However, what was clear was the man was in charge. He took the lead. His partner followed. Once the action warmed up, the sagas implied the increased activity in similarly guarded terms. A couple in the throes of passion would ‘crowd together in bed” (hviluthrong) and ‘enjoy each other. ‘

If you wanted to describe it in a more racy fashion, the tales would describe the man as enjoying a good old brolta a maga or ‘romp on her belly’ or describe the couple as ‘traveling together.” Once they had exhausted themselves, the couple spent the aftermath at ‘hvila meth henna ” (rest with her), or he would ‘amuse one’s self.’ This activity referred to him enjoying a quiet conversation or game of cards with his partner. Of course, while their language was shy, it seems as though they were more open with physical relations than other cultures of the time. This includes being open with extramarital affairs.

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
“Svipdagr and Menglöð”. Google Images

If you’re a Viking man you can have a mistress

Extramarital affairs were a common occurrence in the Viking Age. Despite their ubiquity, infidelity was generally frowned upon and was eventually considered a crime for both men and women. If a woman was caught having an affair, her husband was believed to be justified in ending both her and her lover. But it seems that many Norse men adored their wives, judging by the last words of one man just before he was hung: “Happy am I to have won the joy of such a consort; ” said the condemned man of his wife. “I shall not go down basely in loneliness to the gods of Tartarus. So let the encircling bonds grip my throat in the midst; the final anguish shall bring with it pleasure only, since the certain hope remains of renewed love, and death shall prove to have its own delights. Each world holds joy, and in the twin regions shall the repose of our united souls win fame, our equal faithfulness in love ” (Saxo Grammaticus)

Unfortunately, not all Viking husbands practiced “faithfulness in love”. Marriage was meant to produce children. Family was one of the most important staples in Viking society. However, that did not mean he had to only share a bed with his wife. According to Adam of Breman, a man could keep as many frilles as he could afford. Society regarded any children from these liaisons as legitimate. Other accounts also mention that Norse men would also keep bed slaves. And it’s just as brutal as it sounds; these women did not have a choice in the matter. But, once again, since this was a male dominated society, women were expected to be held to higher standards. They were not allowed extramarital affairs despite her husband’s indiscretions. There were harsh penalties for women who were unfaithful during marriage.

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
Viking Queen. Google Images

Viking Women could divorce their husbands

While the law did not require that a woman consent to her marriage, it seems to have been a very good idea to get her approval, for in the sagas, “all five marriages made contrary to the stated will of the girl are unmitigated disasters, ending with the passing, maiming, or divorce of the husband”. The Icelandic law code,Grágás, allows divorce in only three cases. The first was if the couple gave each other “large wounds” or meira sar metiz, generally defined as those wounds which penetrated the brain, body cavity or marrow. The second was the case in which a couple was too poor to support themselves and had to rely on their families for support, in which case they could be forced to divorce by their kin, or a divorce might be granted “if one spouse with little or no money of his- or her own was suddenly charged with the support of poor relatives”, thus enabling the solvent member of the partnership to escape with his- or her goods safe from predation by in-laws. The third legal provision for divorce was if a husband tried to take his wife out of the country against her will. If one of these conditions was not cited,Grágás states that “no divorce shall exist”. This may be due to the fact that the redactions ofGrágás which we possess today have been influenced to some degree by canon law, for the sagas list a whole variety of grounds for divorce which are not mentioned in the law code.

The reasons given in the sagas for divorce would be familiar to any modern-day divorce court. First were problems with relatives, such as a family feud, or one spouse failing to treat the family of the other “with due consideration”. Family violence was also a reason for divorce, especially in those parts of Scandinavia heavily influenced by Christianity where divorce was harder to obtain. Aside from the “large wounds” cited inGrágás, a spouse might seek a divorce because the other partner made mocking verses about him or her, excessive anger or jealousy displayed by one spouse, or if one partner slapped the other. Slapping a spouse, especially in front of witnesses, was considered extremely humiliating. TheGulaþing Law of Norway made special provisions against a husband slapping his wife: if a man struck his wife in front of witnesses, she could not only claim monetary compensation for the blows equal to what he would have received had another man struck him, the wife had the right to divorce the husband on top of the fine after the third slap. Slapping a wife is the most common reason given for a divorce in the sagas.

 

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
Men in Viking society should never take a passive role… especially physically. Wikimedia.

Homosexuality for men was… complicated

Pre-Christian Norse views on homosexuality weren’t simple. While Viking cultures seemed to be accepting of physical relationships between two men, it was more complicated. Men were still expected to marry women. There was never a way out of that which did not result in social ostracism. But when married, a wife was expected to ignore any extramarital affairs her husband entertained, whether it be with men or women. But intimacy with a wife was always a must – mostly to procure children. Of course, we’ll talk a bit more about how a woman had legal grounds to divorce her husband if she was not satisfied in bed. So other than not being able to marry a male counterpart, it sounds like it was pretty open, right? This is where it gets even more complicated.

Viking men were known to violate both men and women as a ways to degrade and demean them during raiding trips. It was common practice. So penetrating a man was fairly common. However, it was considered extremely shameful if you were on the receiving end of that action. One of the worst insults an enemy could hurl at a Norse man was “sordinn” (penetrated). Any man branded as such would fight until a fatal end to defend his honor. These conflicts led to Scandinavian law codes making such types of insult illegal because of the violence that ensued with the slanderer often outlawed. However, if such abuse was believed or proven, it had grave consequences for the man in question. Although Norse myths tell of gods such as Loki and even Odin taking on a submissive role during intimacy., Norse mortal society did not tolerate passivity in men. The man in question would become a social outcast, branded ‘ergi”-or unmanly.’

These Dating Tips will Help Any Viking Get a Girlfriend
A depiction of a Viking Woman. History of Yesterday.

But it was also complicated for women who loved other women

While there are many people who like to think of the “butch” warrior lesbian Viking, we’re afraid to tell you that we don’t have any documentation of these figures. There is no mention of lesbianism in the sagas. Though many scholars believe that it was a fairly common practice among married women. Nor are there any references in other Old Norse texts to female on female relationships, so we cannot gauge pre-Christian attitudes to female homosexuality. However, Icelandic Christian law suggests lesbianism did occur in Norse society. In the 12th century, Bishop Porlakr Porhallson decreed “if women satisfy each other they shall be ordered the same penance as men who perform the most hideous adultery between them or with a quadruped.” So there was an obvious distaste and intolerance on it in later Viking culture.

Christie Ward, an independent scholar and expert in Norse mythology pointed out that many Vikings used to have relationships with multiple women. A Viking married one woman, but created a harem-like structure in his own house, having concubines from inferior social classes. A Viking’s wife then could develop a bond with other women under her roof. A bond which involved intercourse in many instances. There was a high tolerance for these types of relationships. A Viking’s wife, in fact, was more independent if compared to women in other societies of the time. She was in charge of the house from a financial point of view and could even decide to divorce her husband. There are also indications that Vikings practiced polygamy, which in their highly stratified society would have meant that poorer unmarried men might have had limited access to women, and would have targeted female slaves as concubines (or even wives).

Where did we find this stuff? Here are our sources:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamellar_armour

https://theconversation.com/what-does-the-word-viking-really-mean-75647

https://mythopedia.com/norse-mythology/gods/freya/

https://lokis-dottir.livejournal.com/125644.html

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Freyja

historyonthenet.com/viking-society-women-and-children

Scandinavian Facts – Did the Vikings Have Long Hair? Get the Facts!

History of Yesterday – The Viking’s Love Life

Live Science – The Real Reason for Viking Raids: Shortage of Eligible Women?

Alehorn – Norse Gods and Goddesses: Freya

History Channel – What We Know About Vikings and Slaves

Judith Jesch – Women in the Viking Age

https://www.history.com/news/viking-slavery-raids-evidence

Advertisement