29. An Early Lesson 1970s Kids Learned About Things That Seem Too Good to be True
For decades, advertisements in comic book ads have promised kids unbelievable products for unbelievably low, low, prices. “X-ray” glasses that would let you see through people’s clothes. A submarine big enough for you and your best friend to pilot underwater. A manual that promised to transform you in just a few weeks from a skinny dweeb who gets sand kicked in his face at the beach by bullies, and into a muscle-bound Charles Atlas lookalike. The only guarantee when the product finally arrived was the guaranteed look of disappointment on the recipient kid’s face when he finally got to see what he’d shelled a good chunk of his allowance money on.
Out of all the disappointing products, however, few were more disappointing than “Sea Monkeys”. A hallmark of 1970s comics, these ads depicted a family of anthropomorphic sea critters. They stood on two feet, with skinny arms and slender fingers, a crown on their heads, and a kind of sexy mommy with her legs crossed suggestively, looking at the mostly prepubescent readers with a seductive smile. All that can be yours for a dollar. As seen below, reality fell far short of expectations.
