Lopsided Military Defeats and Humiliating Battlefield Setbacks

1. Chased by Bunnies

Le Empereur decided to celebrate the Treaties of Tilsit, and what better way to celebrate than by killing small animals? Napoleon ordered his chief of staff, Alexander Berthier, to arrange a rabbit hunt, and invite the top military brass. Berthier prepared an outdoors luncheon, and collected about 3000 rabbits. They were arranged in cages near a grassy field, to be released for the bigwigs to shoot as they fled. Something went wrong, however. When the bunnies were released they did not jump away in terror, but bounded in their thousands towards Napoleon. With thousands of rabbits hopping towards them rather than fleeing for their lives, Napoleon’s party laughed at first. The laughter stopped and concern grew, however, as the onslaught continued. The bunnies swarmed Bonaparte’s legs, and climbed up his jacket. He tried shooing them with his riding crop, while those around him tried chasing them away with sticks.

There were too many of them, however, and Napoleon fled to his carriage. According to historian David Chandler: “with a finer understanding of Napoleonic strategy than most of his generals, the rabbit horde divided into two wings and poured around the flanks of the party and headed for the imperial coach“. Some jumped into the carriage with Le Empereur, who ordered his coachmen to whip the horses into a hasty retreat. Europe’s hegemon had been routed by bunnies. It was Berthier’s fault. Rather than capture wild hares, he had bought tame rabbits from nearby farms, that were accustomed to people. When released from their cages, they did not fear Napoleon’s hunting party as potential predators. Instead, they bounded towards them in the expectation that the Emperor of the French and his companions would feed them their dinner.

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Where Did We Find This Stuff? Some Sources and Further Reading

Bellamy, Chris – Absolute War: Soviet Russia in the Second World War (2007)

British Battles – Battle of Agincourt

Chatham Historic Dockyard Trust – Battle of Medway

Clark, Alan – Barbarossa: The Russian-German Conflict, 1941-45 (1965)

Cracked – 20 of the Most Hilariously Lopsided Battles in History

Curious Rambler – Boney Napoleon Scares British Children

Daily Sabah, October 21^st, 2021 – Battle of Karansebes: Easiest Victory in Ottoman History

Encyclopedia Britannica – Anglo-Zanzibar War

Encyclopedia Britannica – Battle of Balaklava

Friday Times, April 16^th, 2022 – Dumbest Battle in History: Drunken Disorder and Confusion at Karansebes

Gonick, Larry – The Cartoon History of the Universe II, From the Springtime of China to the Fall of Rome (1994)

Hernon, Ian – Britain’s Forgotten Wars: Colonial Campaigns of the 19^th Century (2003)

Historic UK – The Shortest War in History

History Answers – Napoleon’s Battle Against Rabbits

History Collection – Spies Who Paved the Way for Victory in World War II

Jones, James Rees – The Anglo-Dutch Wars of the Seventeenth Century (1996)

Keegan, John – The Face of Battle: Study of Agincourt, Waterloo and the Somme (1976)

Lord, Walter – Incredible Victory (1967)

Oren, Michael B. – Six Days of War: June 1967 and the Making of the Modern Middle East (2002)

Parshall, Jonathan, and Tully, Anthony – Shattered Sword: The Untold Story of the Battle of Midway (2005)

Perras, Galen Rogers – Stepping Stones to Nowhere: The Aleutian Islands, Alaska, and American Military Strategy, 1867-1945 (2003)

Rigby, David – Wade McClusky and the Battle of Midway (2019)

Seaton, Albert – The Russo-German War, 1941-45 (1972)

Warfare History Network – The Sinai Air Strike: June 5, 1967

Woodham-Smith, Cecil – The Reason Why: Story of the Fatal Charge of the Light Brigade (1954)

World History Encyclopedia – Battle of Red Cliffs