As Any Rational Person Could Have Predicted, This Literally Explosive Plan Backfired
The spectators’ cheers quickly turned into shrieks of panic when it became clear that the explosive plan had backfired. The authorities had greatly underestimated both the blast zone, and what constituted a safe distance. A quarter mile turned out to be way too close to the explosion: everybody and everything within half a mile of the blast was showered with rotting detritus. A huge piece of blubber flattened a parked car over a quarter of a mile away, while people and other vehicles were pelted by bits of stinky whale carcass. Miraculously, nobody was seriously hurt by the tons of whale flesh hurled into the air.
When the dust settled and rotting whale stopped falling from the sky, dismayed officials discovered that while the blast had been spectacular, their idea to dispose of the whale was a dud. Most of the carcass had not even budged. As darkness fell, Highway Division crews were back on the scene to bulldoze and bury the remains, as they probably should have done in the first place. If a whale ever washes up near Florence again, the authorities will probably not only remember what to do but also what not to do.
