Strange History

Scotland in Panama? The Wildest Colonial Misadventures in History

Darren - July 30, 2025

Throughout history, nations have chased dreams of empire in the most unexpected corners of the globe. Yet, not every colonial adventure was destined for greatness. Some were so audacious, ill-conceived, or downright bizarre that they ended in spectacular disaster—or even farce. From tiny kingdoms reaching for global glory to powerful states stumbling in unfamiliar terrain, these misadventures reveal both the ambition and folly of human endeavor. Get ready to explore a world where Scotland founded a colony in Panama, and other wild stories that prove truth is stranger than fiction.

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1. The Darien Scheme: Scotland’s Tropical Nightmare

In the late 1690s, Scotland launched one of history’s boldest—and most disastrous—colonial gambles: the Darien Scheme. Eager for economic independence, Scots pooled their fortunes to establish “New Caledonia” on the mosquito-infested coast of Panama. But dreams quickly turned to horror as disease, starvation, and relentless rain decimated the settlers. The poorly planned mission collapsed within two years, wiping out a fifth of Scotland’s wealth and pushing the nation toward union with England. Further reading: BBC.

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2. The Roanoke Colony: America’s Lost Settlers

Few colonial misadventures inspire as much intrigue as the Roanoke Colony, founded by the English in 1587. When supply ships returned three years later, every colonist had vanished, leaving only the cryptic word “CROATOAN” carved into a post. Theories range from assimilation with local tribes to violent demise or secret relocation. Roanoke remains one of history’s most captivating mysteries—an unsolved riddle that still haunts imaginations. Further reading: Smithsonian Magazine.

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3. The French at Fort Caroline: Florida’s Forgotten Huguenots

In the 1560s, French Huguenots established Fort Caroline on Florida’s coast, seeking religious refuge and new beginnings. Their hopes were brutally dashed when Spanish forces, determined to defend their claim, swept in and destroyed the colony. This brief, bloody episode exemplifies the brutal religious and imperial rivalries that shaped the New World’s fate. Further reading: National Park Service.

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4. The Norse in Greenland: Vikings on Thin Ice

Long before Columbus, Viking settlers carved out a home in Greenland’s icy wilderness. For nearly 500 years, Norse farms and churches dotted the landscape—then, suddenly, they vanished. Historians believe a blend of climate change, dwindling resources, and isolation forced their mysterious disappearance. Like Roanoke and other lost colonies, the fate of Greenland’s Vikings reminds us how even the most resilient pioneers can be undone by forces beyond their control. Further reading: History.com.

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5. The Scottish Darien: Lessons Unlearned

The Darien Scheme’s dramatic failure stemmed from poor planning, scant resources, and fierce international resistance. England and Spain blocked aid, dooming the Scots. This catastrophe not only bankrupted many investors but also reshaped future British colonial strategy, stressing better preparation and cooperation. Further reading: The National Archives.

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6. The Dutch in New Zealand: A Brief Encounter

In the 17th century, the Dutch East India Company briefly touched New Zealand’s shores, led by explorer Abel Tasman. Their visit ended almost as soon as it began—violent clashes with the Māori forced the Dutch to retreat. This short, fraught encounter left no lasting settlement but marked an early, turbulent contact between Europe and the Pacific. Further reading: Te Ara Encyclopedia.

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7. The German Colony of New Guinea: Jungle Perils

In the late 1800s, Germany set out to carve a profitable empire in Papua New Guinea. However, dense jungles, relentless tropical diseases, and fierce Indigenous resistance turned the colony into a logistical nightmare. The dream of easy riches quickly faded as the harsh realities of the land overwhelmed German ambitions, leaving little but frustration and financial loss behind. Further reading: Britannica.

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8. The Russian Alaska: A Cold Calculation

Russia’s colonial ambitions took them to the icy wilderness of Alaska in the 18th century. While fur trading posts dotted the rugged coast, isolation and unforgiving conditions stymied Russian settlement. Ultimately, the colony’s struggles led Russia to sell Alaska to the United States in 1867—a move later seen as both pragmatic and, in hindsight, astonishingly shortsighted. Further reading: Alaska History and Cultural Studies.

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9. The Knights of Malta in the Caribbean: Crusaders at Sea

In a surprising twist of colonial history, the Knights of Malta acquired several Caribbean islands in the 17th century, hoping to expand their influence beyond the Mediterranean. However, their small numbers and lack of resources meant they couldn’t sustain control against rivals and local threats. The order’s Caribbean adventure soon faded, but it remains one of history’s more unexpected colonial chapters. Further reading: Times of Malta.

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10. The French Mississippi Bubble: Financial Folly

In the early 1700s, France’s ambitions in Louisiana sparked the infamous Mississippi Bubble. Investors across Europe poured fortunes into John Law’s Company of the West, lured by promises of colonial riches. When the speculation burst, the scheme collapsed spectacularly, leaving countless investors bankrupt and shaking confidence in French colonial projects. This episode stands as a cautionary tale of financial mania and colonial overreach. Further reading: Investopedia.

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11. The Swedish Delaware: Short-Lived Settlement

In the 1600s, Sweden staked its claim in North America with the colony of New Sweden along the Delaware River. Despite early promise, the settlement was quickly overtaken by Dutch rivals, ending Swedish ambitions in the region. This fleeting experiment underscores the intense, ever-shifting competition for colonial dominance in the New World. Further reading: Delaware Historical Society.

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12. The Brandenburg African Colonies: Prussian Ambition

In the late 17th century, Brandenburg-Prussia sought its own slice of empire with colonial outposts along West Africa’s coast. Despite initial hopes for profitable trade, these ventures quickly faltered amid relentless disease, fierce local resistance, and stiff European competition. The colonies were soon abandoned, marking a brief and largely forgotten chapter in the era of African colonial ambition. Further reading: BlackPast.

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13. The Scottish Nova Scotia: A Chilly Endeavor

In the early 1600s, Scotland’s drive for overseas territory led to the founding of Nova Scotia—literally “New Scotland.” However, settlers quickly discovered that harsh winters and competition from French and English rivals made survival difficult. Eventually, the Scottish colony was absorbed into larger British colonial projects, but its legacy lingers in Nova Scotia’s proud Scottish heritage. Further reading: Library and Archives Canada.

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14. The French in Madagascar: Malaria and Misfortune

In the early 1600s, French settlers arrived in Madagascar with high hopes of establishing a profitable outpost. Instead, their ambitions quickly unraveled as malaria, tropical diseases, and persistent conflict with local communities decimated the colony. Despite repeated attempts, the French failed to secure a lasting foothold, leaving behind a legacy of hardship and unrealized dreams. Further reading: Oxford Reference.

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15. The Scottish Honduras Colony: Final Fiasco

Scotland’s colonial ambitions didn’t end in Panama—adventurers also targeted Honduras in the 17th century. This little-known venture was doomed from the start, as disease, fierce resistance from the Spanish, and unfamiliar terrain quickly overwhelmed the settlers. The ill-fated project was abandoned almost as soon as it began, closing another chapter of Scottish colonial dreams. Further reading: The Scotsman.

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