Strange History

15 Strange Historical Etiquette Rules We’re Glad Are Gone

Darren - August 20, 2025

Throughout history, etiquette has dictated social behavior, often in peculiar ways that seem bizarre by today’s standards. These customs reveal much about societal norms, class distinctions, and evolving values. For instance, in medieval England, it was customary to wipe one’s hands on the tablecloth during meals, a practice that would be considered impolite today. Similarly, during the Victorian era, women were expected to keep their hair up at all times, except in the privacy of their bedrooms. Such rules highlight the rigid social structures and expectations of their time (history.co.uk).

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1. Forks Were Rude—Use Your Fingers!

In medieval Europe, bringing a fork to the table was once considered flashy or even sinful, as most meals were eaten with hands or knives. The fork’s suspicious reputation didn’t change until centuries later, as explained by the Smithsonian Magazine. Forks didn’t become commonplace until the 18th century in Great Britain and Europe.

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2. No Smiling in Portraits

Victorian etiquette dictated somber expressions for portraits to signify seriousness and status. Smiling was often deemed frivolous or undignified in formal settings, according to BBC Culture. This preference for serious expressions was also influenced by the technical limitations of early photography, which required subjects to remain still for extended periods, making natural smiles challenging to maintain.

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3. Gloves Required for Ladies

In the 19th century, women were expected to wear gloves in public, regardless of the weather, as a symbol of modesty and social status. According to the Victoria and Albert Museum, gloves were considered essential accessories, with different styles for various occasions. For instance, wrist-length gloves were typical for daytime wear, while longer, elbow-length gloves were reserved for formal events.

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4. Forbidden Left Hand

In many cultures, the left hand was considered unclean, and its use for eating or greeting was strictly forbidden. This practice still persists in some places, as explained by NPR. For instance, in parts of Africa, Asia, and the Middle East, using the left hand for tasks like eating or greeting is considered disrespectful.

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5. Calling Cards for Every Visit

During the 18th and 19th centuries, fashionable society expected visitors to leave calling cards upon visiting a home. This complex ritual determined social ranking and relationships, a practice detailed in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The cards, often elaborately designed, served as a formal introduction and were essential for maintaining social connections. The etiquette surrounding their use was intricate, with specific rules governing when and how they should be left, reflecting the rigid social structures of the time.

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6. Elaborate Rules for Hat Tipping

In the 19th and early 20th centuries, men adhered to intricate hat-tipping etiquette to convey respect and social standing. The manner and timing of tipping one’s hat varied based on the recipient’s status and the occasion. For instance, tipping the hat brim was a casual greeting among male friends, while raising the hat was reserved for acknowledging ladies or individuals of higher status. These nuanced practices are detailed in the Gentleman’s Gazette.

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7. No Elbows on the Table—For Good Reason

In communal dining settings, placing elbows on the table was considered impolite and could lead to accidents due to crowded conditions. This practice helped maintain order and prevent mishaps. These days, it’s still regarded as rude in polite circles, but generally, people are less pedantic about it when they’re not dining (historytoday.com).

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8. Courtship with Handkerchief Signals

In the Victorian era, women employed subtle gestures with their handkerchiefs to communicate romantic interest. For example, drawing it across the cheek signified “I love you,” while drawing it across the eyes conveyed “I am sorry.” Twisting it in the left hand indicated “I wish to be rid of you,” and dropping it meant “We will be friends.” These signals allowed women to express their feelings discreetly, adhering to the era’s strict social norms (victoriantradingco.wordpress.com).

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9. Rigid Posture at All Times

In Victorian society, maintaining a rigid posture was considered a sign of discipline and breeding. Upper-class individuals were taught never to slouch, and various devices and manuals were developed to enforce this standard. The Victoria and Albert Museum details how backboards and corsets were used to achieve an upright carriage, reflecting the era’s emphasis on physical appearance and social status (vam.ac.uk).

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10. Writing Thank-You Notes for Everything

In the 19th century, sending handwritten thank-you notes on fine stationery was a mandatory social practice, even for the smallest favors. Failing to do so could lead to gossip or offense. This custom is discussed in the Smithsonian Magazine. It was a major social faux pas and could irrevocably affect relationships.

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11. Restrictive Mourning Dress Codes

In the Victorian era, widows were expected to wear black mourning attire for up to two years, adhering to strict guidelines that dictated fabric choices, accessories, and social interactions. The first year, known as “full mourning,” required black crepe dresses and veils, with minimal social engagement. The subsequent period, “half mourning,” allowed for the introduction of muted colors like grey and mauve. These customs are detailed in the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s exhibition.

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12. The “Calling Window” for Visitors

In the 19th century, social etiquette dictated that visits be made within a strict afternoon “calling hours” window, typically between 3 and 6 p.m. Arriving too early or late was considered impolite. This practice is detailed in the Historic UK article on calling cards. These days, people typically arrive later because they don’t want to be the first at a party!

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13. Never Toast with Water

In 19th-century Europe, toasting with water was considered unlucky or even rude. This superstition was rooted in maritime folklore, where sailors believed that toasting with water would lead to drowning. The U.S. Navy’s Mess Manual stipulates that toasts are never drunk with liqueurs, soft drinks, or water, as tradition holds that the object of a toast with water will die by drowning (colonialbrewer.com).

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14. Covering Mirrors During Mourning

In Victorian times, it was customary to cover mirrors in the home during mourning periods. This practice was believed to prevent the deceased’s spirit from becoming trapped in the reflective surfaces. As noted by the Friends of Oak Grove Cemetery, “Mirrors were covered with crape or veiling to prevent the deceased’s spirit from getting trapped in the looking glass” (friendsofoakgrovecemetery.org)

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15. Bowing and Curtsying on Demand

In the 19th and early 20th centuries, individuals were expected to bow or curtsy to those of higher status, sometimes dozens of times a day. Missteps in bowing protocol could cause embarrassment or offense. The Royal Family’s official website notes that while there are no obligatory codes of behavior when meeting the Queen or other members of the royal family, many choose to observe traditional forms, such as a neck bow for men and a curtsy for women (harpersbazaar.com).

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When Rules Changed—and Why

Over time, societal shifts such as industrialization, urbanization, and democratization have rendered many rigid customs obsolete. The rise of the middle class and increased social mobility diminished the emphasis on strict etiquette as markers of status. Additionally, the advent of technology and social media has fostered more informal communication styles, reflecting modern values of equality and personal space (theatlantic.com). These changes highlight a move towards more relaxed and inclusive social interactions.

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